When life is breaking your heart, it’s actually opening you to something much deeper – if you let it.
All I’ve ever really wanted, since I was young, was deep intimacy & partnership. I never craved most “conventional” yearnings.
I prayed for this kind of partnership. But then my preparation for it appeared in a package that I didn’t expect & that most people around me couldn’t understand, either. And it’s been years of unraveling my fears of intimacy, which I also didn’t realize I had.
The one thing I’ve always wanted – DEEP INTIMACY – is also the one thing I’ve secretly feared the most.
Real intimacy exposes all our bullshit. And a lot of people are way more committed to their BS than to a true union that calls BOTH people up & out of their destructive patterning. You can hide single just like u can hide in an enabling relationship.
So the more I prayed for it, the more the Universe presents me w/the opportunity to OPEN to it – without all the judgment, attachment, desire to control it, expectations.
It’s been so confronting AND so healing.
The closer I get to what I’ve always wanted, the more the shadow rears its head. I’ve learned to observe it, stop myself from spiraling into my trauma response (ie: withdraw, WALLS up, angry tough-ass mode) & instead BREATHE into the process of feeling exposed, vulnerable, softer.
I cry. I let myself feel naked. I let myself FULLY feel the yearning beneath the fear.
I talk about Unapologetic Power & Self-Expression, but that comes with a SOFTER, more open heart. One without the other is usually destructive, fear-based & a reactive pain-loop.
There is no real power without an OPEN HEART. I’m still learning this, too.
The greatest illusion is that the heart can break. It’s never actually breaking – it only ever expands.
If you allow your heart to keep “breaking open”, you’ll realize you’re never actually broken. In the moments you feel like you’re being obliterated, you’re opening. This is a blessing.
To just love & let yourself be loved in return is what most humans desire at the deepest level.
Then you can bring that love to everything you touch. What a gift.
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