Leaving a relationship isn't necessarily the tough thing. It's knowing when & if you should leave that tends to keep people on the fence.

I should know, because I was always the Leaver in the past. I used to think it was so noble & righteous of me.

"I deserve better than this!" (not realizing I created the breadcrumb, hot & cold relationship, because I was a control freak who was terrified of vulnerability & always had one foot out the door).

"I'm a strong & independent woman, I don't need a man who stresses me out!" (not realizing I created & was fueling the chaos & emotional instability by avoiding ownership of my own anger & communication issues).

"I'm such a tough bitch, nobody will ever break my heart!" (not realizing I actually needed my heart to break open so I could receive the love I craved so badly). 

Walking out the door (& slamming it shut, then padlocking it) was so much more simple than staying, with an open heart...and leaning into the mirror of the other. 

Staying receptive (instead of withdrawing) & remaining curious about what the relationship was showing me about myself, instead of running in the other direction, became my practice. I used to think the grass would be be greener with someone else, until I started watering where I was & cleaning up MY SIDE of the street. 

Love IS a spiritual practice.
Devotion means staying present (true presence, with deep self-awareness, is so important here; this is why we meditate, to habituate our minds to observe whatever is arising without attaching to it or pushing it away) & being fully committed to the transformation love asks of us, even when things feel hard. Especially then, since most people give up (or at the very least, emotionally check out) at the first sign of struggle.

Love is the Great Purifier.
It dissolves & alchemizes the sludge of our stubborn limiting beliefs, old conditioning & egoic mind.

🔥 And purification? Yes, it burns. Like hell sometimes. 
This IS the uncomfortable aspect of unconditional love that most people don't understand yet.

But let’s be clear—devotion to love is NOT the same as staying stuck.

Too many people feel trapped in dead relationships or drag out unhealthy dynamics because they don’t know the difference. And they don't have an effective spiritual practice to support them through it, either. (Navigating my own relationship drama was a HUGE reason why I chose Buddhism...I needed the right tools.)

They tell themselves…
🚩 “It’s not that bad.”

🚩 “I made a commitment.” (they're physically there, but emotionally absent)

🚩 “It’s easier than starting over.”

🚩 “It’s too late to find something better.”

But meanwhile?
They’re on an emotional roller coaster.
They’re miserable, but smiling through it.
They’re secretly craving someone else.

🔥 In Buddhism, we’re actually 100% of our relationships.

 (Most relationship “gurus” will tell you you’re 50% of the equation—but let me offer you a different, and IMHO more empowering, perspective.)

Buddhists say the other person is "empty" (they don't have a fixed, self-existent nature of their own, coming from their own side)...so they're like a movie screen that you're projecting your own beliefs & perceptions onto at all times. They're the blank screen for your karma to play itself out. 

What does this mean?

It means your relationship isn’t just “happening to you" by chance. 
It’s a mirror of your own mind & karma. There is no "luck" here. Your relationship is a DIRECT reflection of your consciousness, your choices (in thought, speech & action), your internal world.

If you're like, "What the fuck?!" & thinking there's NO WAY you created all of this (this kind of radical responsibility can feel VERY confronting at first), take a deep breath.

Good news is: If you're the one who created this...you can also change it for the better (if you apply some real spiritual wisdom. That's where I come in to help you). 

So before you decide to leave, ask yourself:

👉 Am I still showing up with a completely generous & open heart...or am I just going through the motions with a hidden agenda, always expecting something specific in return for offering my love? AKA: Is my love Unconditional? Or Transactional? 

👉 Am I avoiding difficult conversations because I’m scared of the outcome?

👉 Do we share the same high values & do we have a shared vision that's compatible as we're moving forward? Or are we on ENTIRELY different pages these days? 

👉 Have I done everything I can (including hire the right support to see my blind spots and/or integrate legit spiritual practices) to shift the dynamic & am I fully committed to the burn of the inner [shadow] work it'll require...or am I expecting them to do all the work?

👉If tomorrow, this person (in the current physical form they're in) were suddenly embodying all the qualities I've wanted in a partner, would I still want to stay with them? Or am I simply no longer attracted to them and/or we don't share our highest values anymore, because my priorities have changed since I've grown & the reasons we got together are no longer the reasons to remain together as a couple?

👉 Am I staying out of obligation, guilt or fear of starting over?

Because if you don’t take 100% radical responsibility for your own energy first, leaving won’t solve anything.

You’ll just recreate the same patterns in your next relationship. You take YOU (and your mind) everywhere you go, along with any & all unresolved baggage.

There is no perfect, cut & dry answer for this.

Trust, me - I've asked my Buddhist teachers this same question (obviously, lol)...and they always leave it open-ended.

Because at the end of the day, it's up to you how far you want to go with your devotional relationship practice. (Personally, I think a hard core Buddhist practitioner wouldn't ever leave, because they'd say, "I created this through my own karma, therefore I can transform it", but that's advanced work & it's definitely NOT for everyone). 

In my experience, after 10+ years mentoring people around intimacy & Conscious Relationship (& working with hundreds of people 1 to 1), I can say that if you're genuinely applying these teachings & practicing with an open heart (& probably with a teacher guiding you or additional mentorship at certain points to see your blind spots), you'll notice that things in your reality will start to shift pretty quickly. Your relationships will either start improving...or they'll start falling apart. At this point, you can refine your practice, make adjustments or keep it going. 

But...

-if you're living in alignment with your highest values (this is an exercise I have ALL my mentorship clients do, so they know in thought, speech & action that they're ACTUALLY walking their talk & fully embodying the qualities they desire in their partnership)

-if you're using your meditation practice effectively & wisely to expand your capacity for compassion & love, as well as to purify your negative habits

-if you're showing up fully in your relationship, while speaking your truth & having the hard conversations

… and things AREN'T changing for the better?

Then you already know. You may have outgrown your current relationship container. It’s probably time to go.

Because at some point, devotion to love means devotion to TRUTH.

How Do You Know When You’re Staying for the "Wrong" Reasons?

Ok, I don't believe there's any "right" or "wrong" here, but these are definitely some indicators that you're not in alignment with the highest integrity, love or compassion...

❌ You’re waiting for your partner to change instead of accepting who they are RIGHT NOW & loving them there...unconditionally.
❌ You’re staying because you feel bad for them, not because you feel in love with them.
❌ You’re afraid of hurting them or disappointing your kids or family.
❌ You’re numbing yourself (scrolling, drinking, cheating, overworking, avoiding intimacy) to tolerate the relationship.
❌ You fantasize about a different life, but keep telling yourself "it’s too late."

💥 If this is you, let me be blunt—in your mind, it’s already over.

You’re not staying because of love. You’re staying because you’re afraid of the fallout that comes with major change.

And I get it. Leaving isn’t easy.

But you know what’s worse?

Waking up 5, 10, 15 years from now in the exact same place—except now you’re even more disconnected, even more numb & even more full of regret.

Or you're dead, never having allowed yourself the blessing of experiencing DEEP, REAL LOVE, especially in intimate partnership, in your lifetime. Your choice, obviously. (Yes, we're all careening towards our death, lol. Buddhists are so obsessed with death that they have a special daily practice to think about it, because you want to live your life as if today COULD be the day...and get your mind as clear as possible before that moment arrives). 

🔥 The truth? The sooner you choose alignment, the sooner you make space for the love you actually desire.

👉 If you need clarity on your next steps, book a 60-minute Clarity Session here. I’ll help you cut through the noise & get crystal clear on whether this relationship can be saved—or if it’s time to walk away for good.

💕 And if you already know it’s likely time to go, but need the strength & strategy to follow through, I have private mentorship spaces (for men or women) dedicated to Cultivating Conscious Partnership & Sacred Sexual Union:

👉 The Devoted Masculine: www.alisonlessard.com/tdm
👉 The Devoted Feminine: www.alisonlessard.com/tdf