Let’s break this down.
A lot of people wear “I’m a nice person” like a badge of honor, but it’s actually people-pleasing in disguise. Then they wonder why their life/job/relationships/finances are out of control, people don’t respect them or they don’t feel valued or appreciated.
That ‘nice person’ mask is often just an avoidance tactic. Because a clear, soul-aligned NO or a Firm Boundary that isn’t received in the way so-called Nice Person wants, will likely activate feelings of rejection, abandonment, shame or unworthiness. It would mean NOT controlling how others perceive you or respond to you. It means facing the deeper fears that come with STRIPPING away the nice-person act.
WELCOME, FRIENDS! I f*cking love this topic, because I was a chronic people-pleaser, too. I get it & deeply feel you.
I absolutely stand for genuine kindness that comes from the heart with no agenda or expectation of a required result of that “kindness”. YES. MORE OF THIS. The world needs it!
People-pleasing, on the other hand, is actually a more subtle form of manipulation that tends to fly under the radar (because people assume ALL manipulation means you’re an evil sociopath, lol – nope!).
How is it manipulative?
Because in the act of people-pleasing, on some level, you’re betraying your own values or integrity to get a desired result from another person – could be their approval, attention, validation, desired reaction, support, whatever.
Being KIND is incredible, because it’s heart-centered & comes without this type of hidden agenda.
Being kind also can come with a healthy sense of self & boundaries & honoring one’s own integrity above all else.
Love may feel kind, but not always.
Sometimes love is FIERCE, bc it’s the truth in the highest form. And when you’re in the act of denial or self-betrayal, love might feel like a slap upside the head!
People-pleasing erodes your sense of self, because you’re denying your own needs or desires in exchange for something. It’s transactional.
GENUINE loving kindness will change the world! xx