“You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.” – Rumi
There’s a lot of romanticizing “intimacy”.
Holding hands, kissing, talking about your dreams & visions, crying on each other’s shoulder. The stuff we see in romantic films.
What about when you discover something difficult about your partner?
Or when you feel shame?
When you get jealous?
The real intimacy is when we get into the stuff we avoid, the wounds we so easily recognize in our lovers, the issues we project onto the other but refuse to acknowledge in ourselves.
How many times I wanted to pick apart my partners to stay on my spiritual + moral high horse.
But that’s not where intimacy lives.
Intimacy lives in all the crevices we try to patch up with our masks, excuses, finger-pointing, avoidance, numbing out & running.
How many times I said “why are there so many betrayals & emotionally unavailable men” when in fact I was the one betraying my own needs & unavailable for myself.
How many times I said “where are the real men, not the little boys” when it was MY wounded little girl calling their little boy energy in, as they mirrored the childhood pain that I was still holding in my energy field.
How many times I hear people say they want “deep, profound, unconditional love” & at the first sign of discomfort, of seeing their darker side in the other, all of a sudden that lover “isn’t the one” or whatever other convenient story helps them avoid the sacred mirror of a TRULY conscious, intimate relationship.
How many times I’ve wanted to ONLY be “intimate” when I could put a title on it, when i could somehow feel in control of the situation or try to force commitment – with the “reward” being that I’d let my walls down.
How many times we mistake manipulation & mind games for intimacy.
How many times we’re the player, not the victim or the one “getting played”.
True depth of intimacy exists when we’re willing to confront our own shadow, our inner child that sabotages real connection, our addictions, our fears, our own self-betrayals & love them up.
Intimacy blossoms when we see every partner as a divine reflection & as an opportunity to break down the illusions & limitations we place on “love”.
Intimacy expands as we do.
As we free ourselves – & our lover – & let our heart walls shatter again & again to reveal what exists beneath our limited conditioning.
When we’re willing to meet OURSELVES with this depth is when we create the bridge into a profound, intimate partnership.
Where we complete ourselves & invite others into THAT space.
Without the pressure to be “the one”, our “everything”.
Without using “intimacy” as a weapon.
Allowing them to be exactly who they are, as we embody our fullness.
The inner union, the marriage within, of our light and our dark.
This is where love lives.